3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
