for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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