I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
