I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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