okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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