Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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