also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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