You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
