Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
