But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
