you win again, gameday.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
