Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
