btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize