yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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