im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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