I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
