There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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