Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
