no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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