her facebook's as public as her vagina
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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