Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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