You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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