How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
