I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
