i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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