you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
