I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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