Kiss
Puke
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
