Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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