I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
