So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
