you guys were way drunker than both of me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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