hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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