I wish life had little blips of pornography
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
