You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
