You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
