There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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