Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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