Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
