I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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