Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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