Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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