i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
