It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
