She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dick very happy bro
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
