Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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