you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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