Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
