a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
