Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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