so that wasnt chicken after all
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
