you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
