can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
