Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
