he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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