just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
