No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
