ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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