he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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