Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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