I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
