Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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