Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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