mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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