I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
