I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
