He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
